


Home is wherever I'm with you

by infinithes



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Clexa, College AU, F/F, Fluff and Angst, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-10
Updated: 2017-03-21
Packaged: 2018-09-07 13:56:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8803462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/infinithes/pseuds/infinithes
Summary: The definiton of home can be very different for each person. For some, home is a place where you can rest, for others home is a embrace, a feeling.Clarke Griffin had lost her concept of home when her parents got divorced, her middle brother died, and her mother left.Three years later, she finds herself in a new city, with new friends and a new home.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> so i've been with this universe in my head for a while but i'm not really good at the writing thing, but i'll try, dont judge. im brazillian, so english is not my first language as it is obvious, if someone wants to help a sister out please hmu. this is a no dying zone, no one dies, there's no bullets in here, only love and gays. lots of gays.  
> hope you enjoy it.

If Clarke Griffin could describe today in one single word, it would be _finally._ Today marks the day where a new page of her life will be filled, today she’s letting behind pain, sorrow, guilt, her stupid stepmother. Or at least that’s what she was trying to tell herself. “It’ll be great. New city, new friends, new place. You’ll be just fine.” Clarke was saying the words in front of the mirror like a damn mantra when her father yelled from downstairs.

“Clarke, let’s go! You're gonna be late for your first day.”  

Groaning Clarke left her room, but not before checking to see if everything was packed in the boxes. _Today._

“Okay, I’m here, let’s go!” the blonde girl said as she entered the kitchen, where her brother were already looking up at her with tears in his eyes. “Come here, little one.” Aden got up from the chair and engulfed his big sister in the greatest hug that he could muster. He coulnd’t believe that the only person that still mattered to him was leaving town.

“I’ll miss you, Clarke!” Aden said while sobbing.

“I’ll text you everyday, and I promise I’ll call whenever I can. You don’t have to be sad.” She cooed in her brother’s ears. Yeah, today wouldn’t be as great as she thought. Leaving her baby brother was the last thing she wanted to do.

“Okay, Jake. Take her away already so I can finally have peace.” Her horror of a stepmother said while rolling her eyes.

“C’mon kiddo. It’s time”

“Are you still giving Octavia a ride?” Clarke asked her father. Her best friend would also be attending to the same college as her, Octavia was the only thing keeping her from leaving the whole college thing behind and staying in this hell of a city, where all the ghosts of her past still haunted her.

“Sure! So, do you have everything packed? You sure you’re not forgetting anything?” Her father asked.

“Yeah I have everything. Chill a bit, I know you’re looking forward to this but you could pretend you’re sad about the fact that your daugther is moving away.” Clarke said with a poison to her words. Their father and daugther relationship were broken after all the things that happened to the family.

“I won’t argue with you, Clarke. Not now. I am, in fact, sad for letting you go away like this, but I know it’ll be for the best. For you, for Aden, for everyone.” Jake said with a stern voice but his eyes gave away how sad he really was.

“Yeah, whatever, let’s go.”

_Today._

 

* * *

 

“Remember, school comes first, the company comes first. I don’t care about experiencing the college and all that talk. You have one goal. You will achieve that goal. Am I clear, Alexandria?”

“Yes, father. Clear as water. Can I go now?” Lexa asked her father. All the demands he was making were something usual to the girl. He was always talking about how she was the future of his company, how she wasn’t some regular girl, it was kind of tiring for the most part of the time, but if that was the only way she would get her father’s attention, she sure as hell would make him proud. Even if making him proud consisted in staying locked up in a room studying while a whole new world was out there, waiting for her.  

“Are you sure you’ll be okay living by yourself and that friend of yours? The gay one, should I be concerned? He might be bad company, Alexandria!” Titus asked. ‘the gay one’ he was talking about is one of her best friends, John Murphy. They’ve been friends since 5th grade. Murphy came out when he was 15, shocking the whole school and consequently the parents. Lexa only grew closer with the boy, because he was brave enough to do something she was yet to achieve. Her parents gone crazy, saying they didn’t want her daugther being friends with a gay child. _If only they knew._

“Dad, there is no such thing as gay people turning straight people into gay as well.” _The fun fact here is: i am the gayest gay around the block._ She thought to herself. “I’ll be fine. Besides, Monty was needing someone to room with and it’ll save money.”

“You don’t need to save any money, Alexandria. You can have an apartment to yourself if you want to. You shouldn’t even be moving to Polis. Your mother and I both went to college here, in New York, I don’t know why you are so pent up in moving out just for college.” Her father sighed. It almost looked like he was really sad that she was leaving, but Lexa knew that he just wanted her close to keep an eye on her, to make sure she wasn’t doing anything reckless, like, living as the 18 year old that she was. It still bums her that alchool is something that all the kids around 15 do but she was the only damn exception.

“Yes, I know, but it’s the best place for me. ” Lexa sighed and rolled her eyes. She just wanted to leave, as soon as possible, but today of all days, her father decided to _talk._

“You should go now otherwise you’ll loose your flight. I’ll tell your mother to call you when she gets home. ” Titus said. Her mother was always busy, travellig around the world, making conferences in the office she set up in their house, ,but she was also worse than her father, so she didn’t really cared about her abscense.

“Okay, let’s go then. ”

 

* * *

 

”Where is that boyfriend of yours, Clarke? I swear to god, I don’t get why you still keep that thing around” Octavia was kind of mad about the fact that Finn was supposed to meet them at the front gate, so they could go to auditorium together, where it would be having a welcome lecture. The girls weren’t rooming together, because as Octavia liked to put ‘Luck likes us the same way  the world likes Donald Trump’.

“I don’t know, O. He should be here by now, I don’t exactly keep a track on Finn’s life. I’ll text him again.” Clarke said while looking at the map on her hands. The place was huge. She was amazed. The library was so organized and _big._ The campus was really well divided, the class buildings were close too one another so that would definetly be helpful, there was a fountain right in front of the main building, there was so many trees. She was in love with the university already.

Just when Octavia was about to complaing once _again._ Clarke felt arms around her, turning her face she saw her boyfriend. His hair was longer than it was when he left arkadia. He was wearing a varsity jacket and had sweat all over his body. “Hey, babe! I missed you so fucking much. I can’t believe the day has come. I’ll introduce you to al-“

“Okay, romeo, I get that you missed her and whatever, but can you please, for the love of everything that’s holy, take us to the main room? My legs can’t support my weight anymore Finn, and I’m a damn lightweigth. You can shove your tongue down Clarke’s throat some other time. Let’s go, move!” Octavia said in one single breath and started walking towards the main room, leaving Finn and Clarke behind.

“We should go with Octavia, she doesn’t know the campus, she’ll get lost.” Clarke said to her boyfriend that at some point got too busy with his phone.

“Yeah, we should do that. But first...”

“First wha-” Clarkes swallowed her words because Finn caught her off guard and kissed her. It was supposedto be a chaste kiss, but Finn cleary didn’t mind that they were in the middle of the campus and things got heated.

“OH MY GOD PLEASE YOU CAN DO IT SOME OTHER TIME, WE ARE FUCKING LATE!” Octavia yelled making the couple break the kiss.

“I can wait to kiss you again. Some other time.” Finn said winking at Clarke and tooking her by the hand so they could go to the main room.

“Yeah, me too.”

“Does your parents already know about you?” Murphy asked as he hugged his best friend, who looked the epitome of the homossexuality. Lexa was wearing an oversized black t-shirt with a flannel around her waist, combat boots and her glasses were on the top of her head.

“Why are you asking me this now?” Lexa asked with wided eyes, she was already feeling her soul leave her body, just the mention that her parents might know about her, made her heart stop.

“You just look really gay, that’s all. You can breathe again” Murphy laughed at his friend who was currently trying to gain her posture back. “It’s just that you don’t even try to hide it anymore. You know  I am not one for pointing stereotypes, but your look today screams ‘I am out and proud’ ”.

“This is nonsense, shut up.” Lexa said with a hint of smile on her face. “Where is Bellamy? Is he already aware that he’s in a commited relationship?” Bellamy Blake was Murphy’s  boyfriend. Bellamy just didn’t know about that, yet.

“Hey, if I see you making any of these comments in front of him, I’ll throw your ass out of my apartment before you even move in.” Murphy said looking around, worried thay Bellamy might have heard her, even though the boy wasn’t in the room.

“As if you would be enough of a man to do that.” Lexa said, narrowing her eyes, “this time around, you’re the one who needs me, hun.” She said huffling the boy’s hair, knowing how much he hated it.

“Fuck off, Woods.”

“Alright, students, please welcome the dean Thelonious Jaha.” All the students raised from their seats and clapped as the tall, dark skinned man, started to talk.

“And here we go...” Murphy sighed rolling his eyes, knowing how much Jaha liked to talk.

* * *

 

“Finn, stop.” Clarke said to her boyfriend who was now kissing her neck in the middle of the room, where the dean was giving a lecture.

“I missed you.” Finn said but didn’t stopped his actions.

“Can you two just stop? We’re in public for god’s sake!” Octavia whispered to the couple.

“If you had spent a year without someone you love, you would know how I feel, Blake.” Going back to kiss Clarke’s neck. Who was clearly unconfortable.

“Okay, Finn, that’s enough, stop!” Clarke whispered and elbowed her boyfriend.

“- I hope you all enjoy the beginning of your academic life. Polis university welcomes you all. Thank you.” Jaha finished his speech much to everybody’s happiness.

“Hey, babe, what’s you roommate’s name?” Finn asked wrapping his arms around Clarke’s waist.

“Hum, Raven Reyes, I haven’t met her, but my father did, when he came here to bring the heavy stuff, he said she seems nice enough. You know her?”

Something passed through Finn’s eyes that Clarke couldn’t describe but it went away before she could figure out. “Yeah, I thing I’ve seen her around.”

“Okay, cool. I guess I’ll go meet her then.” Clarke said, giving him a kiss goodbye and going off to find Octavia, who was already talking to some tall and broody guy. “Hey, O. I’m gonna go to my room, meet the roommate and stuff.”

“Oh, okay. I’ll go find Bell, and maybe we can all go explore the city later?” Octavia asked, impacient, wanting to go back to her previous conversation.

“Yeah, sounds nice. See ya!”

* * *

 

The first thing Clarke noticed when she entered the room, was the smell. Something was burning. The second thing she noticed was the young brunnete, who was kneeled by the floor, with a bunch of tools, messing with the minibar. _Her minibar._ “What the fuck is going on here? Who are you? Why the hell are you messing with my minibar? ” Clarke asked in one breath, not giving the time for the girl to answer any of the questions.

“Oh, hi! You must be Clarke. I’m Raven. Man, you really look like your father, you both have the same eyes, anyone ever told you that?” Raven said cleaning her hands on her pants who were smudged in something Clarke didn’t know what was.

“Answer my questions, please!”

“Well, I’m Raven, your roommate, but I think you’ve discovered that on your own by now. Your father had mentioned to me when he came by that your minibar was kind of broken. And since I’m majoring in engeneer, I told him I would help.” Raven said while looking to the minibar like the thing had personally insulted her.

“Then, why the fuck is burning?” Clarke asked carefully because the other girl had this look on her face that couldn’t be good.

“I DON’T KNOW, CLARKE! DON’T JUDGE ALRIGHT?” Raven yelled at her and went back to her actions and Clarke smiled.

For a moment, Clarke forgot about her mother, about being the reason her family were shattered, she forgot about her middle brother, about pills, about depression, she forgot about all the shit life have been throwing at her for the past three years.

For a moment, she thought she could be a normal, regular college girl.

But she was sure that it was just a moment.


	2. Chapter 2

“Murphy, no!”

“Murphy, yes!”

“No.”

“Yes.”

Murphy and Lexa have been arguing for over an hour. Murphy wanted to throw a party because he wanted to celebrate Lexa’s liberty, and Lexa just wanted to study, that was why she came to college for anyway.

“Okay, throw your party, but I’m not staying in here.” She sighed and grabbed her stuff to leave the room.

“The point of this party is to get _you,_ my friend, wasted. You’re 18, Lexa, and yet, you’ve never had a sip of alcohol. What kind of 18 years old are you?” Murphy asked getting impacient with his friend.

“The responsible kind. And I don’t do parties, I have to unpack _and_ study _._ ” It was true, after all. Parties involved the two things that she knew she should avoid at any cost. _Girls and booze._ Considering the fact that she never had drinked and was a horny mess for the most part of the time, she figured it would be an dangerous mix.

“You’re not cool, Woods.” Murphy said getting up to grab himself a bear and a water for Lexa, “I already called everyone. And by everyone I mean Bellamy, his sister, and his sister’s friends. You need to mingle.”

“Have you ever considered taking my opinions on some matters? Like, I don’t know, meeting knew people?” Lexa said, getting frustated with the situation. She wasn’t one for making friends, she didn’t knew how to do it, the proof was Murphy. Her only real friend. It was a defense mechanism but also a complex, she wasn’t used to the affection. She didn’t really know what that meant, since her parents failed her in the department.

“You don’t have to drink! You’ll just talk. Let the talk come freely. I know you have it in you. You’re amazing, smart, I’m sure everyone will love you. I don’t want you to be old and friendless, and I don’t want to be the only friend you have in your facebook! It’s getting embarassing.”

“Fuck you.”

“They should be here by 8pm. Go take a shower and put some clothes on. Some _new_ clothes, I swear sometimes you don’t even look like a billionaire.” Murphy grabbing Lexa by the arms and dragging her to the bathroom.

“That would be because I am not a billionaire. Now get out of here and let me take my shower.” Lexa said and closed the door of the bathroom.

“You should try and take the tension off. It’s getting tiring watching you being so grumpy all the fucking time.” Murphy yelled at Lexa and laughed. Yeah, tonight he only had two plans: get in Bellamy’s pants and get Lexa really drunk.

* * *

 

“Who is this guy again?” Clarke asked Bellamy, they were all in her room now, deciding whether they would go to this party or not.

“Murphy is in my history class. He’s nice. We talked a few times, I’ve been dropping hints for months but apparently he’s no into me, so I’m moving on.” Bellamy said with a long sigh. The boy had came out to his parents as bisexual two years ago, it was hard for them (more so for bellamy who had to suffer with homophobic comments left and right for months) but they accepted their son for who he was.

“Awww, is your ego hurt, Bell?” Octavia chimed, she was busy on the phone with the guy she had met at the welcome lecture, and it looked promising.

“Well, it’s really confusing for me. I’ve been hit on for almost every guy in this place, so you have to blame them for my ego.” Bellamy said smirking at his sister, who stucked her tongue out at him.

“NO PUEDO TOMAR ESTO ANYMORE ESTOY DEMASIADO INTELIGENTE PARA ESTA MIERDA. POLIS UNIVERSITY USTED PUEDE BEIJAR MI ASNO” Raven stormed into the room, not paying attention about anything. She and Clarke had become close during the first week. Clarke learned that Raven was spanish but raised in america. The girl was the biggest entertainment source that Clarke had.

“This is the third time this week that it happens” Clarke sighed and ran her hands through her hair,”Raven, could please speak in english? It’s hard to know if you’re yelling at me or no.” She asked in the nicest way she could, but the other girl didn’t want to listen.

“Ask her to come with us. She might be having a hard time.” Bellamy suggested and Octavia nodded her agreement, it was the first time the siblings were meeting the latina girl.

“Hey, Rae?” Clarke called but Raven was still saying things in Spanish to herself, so she tried again, “Raven, we’re going to Bellamy’s friends house, do you wanna come with us?”

“Will there be alcohol?” Raven asked while taking a deep breath, as if she was trying not to kill someone.

“Yeah, probably. Bell, will there be alcohol?” Clarke asked looking at Bellamy, silently asking for help.

“I think so.” Bellamy answered but he was really distracted by his phone. More so by the person he was talking to.

_Murphy 19:35pm: U coming?_

_Bellamy 19:35pm: You’ll tell me ;)_

_Murphy 19:40pm: You are insuferable. Bring the alcohol._

_Bellamy 19:41pm: I am cute and you know it._

_Bellamy 19:41pm:  And... bossy much? ;)_

_Muprhy 19:42 pm: stop winking at me and get your ass here soon._

“Bellamy would please quit flirting with your boyfriend?” Clarke teased her friend while choosing something to dress. She opted for black pants with a button down blue shirt. “Does it look good?”

Octavia looked up at her friend and whistled, “Are you planning on getting laid tonight, Griffin?” she smirked at her best friend, “speaking of, where is that asshole that you still have the nerve to call a boyfriend?”

Clarke knew she probably shouldn’t be laughing but she couldn’t help but find Octavia amusing,”He said he’s busy tonight, doing god knows what. I don’t really care.” She said while checking herself up in the mirror. Truth was, since she came to Polis, Finn was doing his best to avoid her. She didn’t knew the reason, but wasn’t dwelling on it. Maybe it was even better this way, the boy sometimes were a little bit too much.

“That right there, my friends, is called _love”_ Octavia teased Clarke. She really hoped her friend would wake up and see the mess she got herself into with Finn. She was friends with him, they all were since kids, but she wouldn’t say that the boy was the most thrustworthy guy she knew, and Clarke could do _so_ much  better, but she would leave that for her to figure out by  herself.

“Is Raven ready? We still need to buy the alcohol” Bellamy said while getting up, still glued to his phone.

“I’m ready, let’s go get shit-faced.” Raven said as she threw her arms around Clarke.

* * *

 Lexa was lying on her bed, with her laptop on her lap, trying to get some reading done, when she heard voices. _Loud voices_. They probably belonged to Murphy’s friends. That was the worst part about rooming with someone, the temptation. She was afraid of letting herself have some fun and if her father found out, it would be the death of her.

“Lexa! Get out of there and come meet everyone. It’s not a request, it’s a demand.” Murphy yelled while knocking on the door, “and please, put a smile on your face, I don’t want you scaring everyone away with your mood. Hurry up, my love!”

Lexa groaned and ran her hands on her hair. She had a plan: go in there, introduce herself, talk a little bit and go back to her room. _It’ll work._ She thought to herself.

Lexa left her room and walked to where everyone else was gathered, in the living room. She didn’t made her prescence known at first, wanting to see the kind of people she would be meeting.

There was a tall guy, with glasses, sitting on the couch, he had a kind of long hair, dark skinned, and by the way Murphy was looking at him, that could only be Bellamy Blake. Next to whom Lexa assumed was Bellamy, there was a small brunette with piercing green eyes and a killer jawline. _get it together, lexa._ Before Lexa could scan the rest of the group, Murphy spotted her and said, “Finally you left the cave.”

“You’re funny today, Murphy. I wonder why is that.” Lexa smirked while looking between Bellamy and Murphy.

Murphy cleread his throat and introduced his friend to the small group. “Everyone this is Lexa. Lexa everyone.”

Lexa rolled her eyes and sighed at her best friend, “That was incredibly helpful, and I’m the one who is not social.”

The brunette with green eyes stood up and held out her hand to Lexa, “Hi, I’m Octavia.” She smiled and Lexa shook her, very soft hand. _oh, please just stop_ _get your mind out of the gutter, Lexa. “_ Nice to meet you, Octavia.” Lexa shoot a smile and a wink at Octavia’s direction and was pinched by Murphy who was now next to her.

“Okay,” Octavia chuckled and continued, “That one over there is Raven.” Octavia pointed to the tall, broody girl who was sitting on the floor, “She is Clarke’s roommate, and came along with us.”

“Nice to meet you, Raven” Lexa said and was greeted with a grunt. “And where is the other one? Clarke, you said?” She asked Octavia.

“Oh, she’s in the bathroom. Probably fighting with her boyfriend.” Bellamy steped into the conversation. “I should go check on her.”

“You do that. Who wanna play a board game?” Murphy asked holding up a bottle of vodca and winking at Lexa.

 

* * *

 

“Finn, I didn’t asked if you’d like to come because it is Bellamy’s friends house and-“

“I’m your boyfriend, Clarke! I am the one who put up with all your craziness during high school. in fact I think I’m the only one who will ever put up with you.” Finn shouted on the other side of the line. They were currently arguing because Clarke didn’t invited Finn to come to Murphy’s house, and the girl was trying to explain to her boyfriend that it wasn’t her place to do that, since Murphy wasn’t her friend.

“I don’t remember asking you to put up with me, Finn! If you wanted to leave you should have. I don’t want to be a fucking burden to you!” Clarke shouted trying to pretend she wasn’t hurt by her boyfriend’s words, “You’ve been avoiding me since I came here. You never text, you never call. You fucking know I don’t care about it. But you don’t get to fight with me over something you’ve brought on yourself.”

“Princess, come on. It’s not like this.” Finn said. His tone already a little bit softer. It was always like this, they had an argument, and he would say sweet things to get Clarke back. But she wasn’t 15 years old anymore.

“Don’t call me that! You know that I hate when you call me that.” Clarke sighed and counted to ten. She should be having fun and Finn was trying to mess with her mind right now, so she decided to end the call, without even saying goodbye.

Turning the faucet on, she splashed water on her face and started to count until her breathing got steady again. Every time they had a fight, things ended up like this. She didn’t know why they were still together. Maybe Finn was right, maybe no one else would be able to put up with her issues.

“Clarke? You okay in there?” She heard Bellamy’s voice through the door and dried her face, stepping out of the bathroom.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just another stupid argument.”  She gave him a weak smile and Bellamy just hugged her friend. “If you need me to kick his ass, I’m here.” Bellamy said and pressed a kiss to Clarke’s forehead. “Now let’s go, Murphy’s friends wants to meet you.”

* * *

 

“So... what do you think of them?” Murphy entered the kitchen and sat with Lexa in the counter, “They’re nice, you can say it, it won’t kill you. And I saw you checking Octavia out. Don’t even think about it.”

“I wasn’t checking anyone out. You need to stop with these comments. And yes, they’re nice enough. But that doesn’t mean I’ll hang out with them like you were planning.” Lexa said to her friend. Yes, the guys were nice, they were fun, and yes, she was checking Octavia out, but wasn’t about to admit that to Murphy.

“Hey, Lexa, come meet Clarke!” Octavia yelled from the living room.

Lexa entered the living room and spotted a blonde girl with the bluest eyes that she had ever seen.

_Clarke._

_“_ You must be Lexa!” Clarke said helding out her hand to Lexa and smiling at the other girl.

“I- I am. I am Lexa! You must be Clarke?” Lexa awkwardly took Clarke’s soft hand and smiled at the other girl.

“I am. It’s nice to meet you.”

“Yeah, you as well.”

Just as Lexa was about to say something Clarke’s phone rang and took over all her attention. “Sorry, it’s my boyfriend. I should get that.” Clarke said and left before Lexa could say anything else.

“Drink, Lexa”

“I won’t drink anything, leave me alone. You want to kill your liver? That’s on you, but leave mine out of it.” Lexa said to Murphy who was now rolling is eyes at his best friend.

“Oh, please! Don’t act like you’ve never wanted to know what it tastes like.” Murphy teased Lexa and brought the bottle of beer closer to her.

“Lexa never drank alcohol?” Raven asked, trying to hold a laugther, and failing miserably.

“Nope. Never. Lexa is a prude. I bet she’s still a virgin.” Murphy said and that was all what Raven needed to choke on her beer.

“Fuck you, John!” Lexa gave him the middle finger and went to the balcony, but she was still hearing all the inebriates assholes inside laughing at her.

“Getting some rest from the monsters inside?” A rusky voice asked her, and as she turned around she saw Clarke. With red, puffy eyes, there was no doubt that she was crying, but Lexa wouldn’t question the girl about it. Not now at least.

“Yeah. I think Murphy being friends with Raven was the last thing I needed” Lexa sighed and looked at Clarke again, who was now looking at the sky.

“Do you like to watch the stars?” Clarke asked. Her voice was trembling, her hand was shaking, and she was doing her best to hold some tears that were threatening to escape.

“I do. But I don’t know much about them. What about you?” Lexa asked her and Clarke gave her an dark laugh, filled with sadness.

“I used to. My brother taught me everything about them.”

“He might be very smart then, these little things are very tricky to learn about.” Lexa said and before Clarke could answer, she felt something on her shoulders. She looked up and saw Lexa putting her hoodie over her.

“You’ll be cold” Clarke said but welcomed the warm sensation filling up her body.

“I’ll be fine.” Lexa smiled at the girl. There was something about her. She couldn’t figure out what was, but all that fear of befriending someone, was long gone.

“Thanks.”

“So... what are you majoring in, Clarke?”

They spent an hour talking. Easy talk, as Murphy had told Lexa to do. Clarke told her she was majoring in art, and that it wasn’t what her father wanted for her but she choose it anyway. Lexa envied her for that, but didn’t voiced her feeling, not wanting to scare the girl away. Lexa in return told her she was here majoring in architecture, and that her goal was to take her father’s company some day.

The girls only stopped talking when Octavia came to get Clarke, because apparently, all of their friends were drunk, and Clarke was the only one sober.

“So... this was nice,” Lexa started “Talking to you, I mean. I- I’ll see you around?” She asked a awkwardly while fiddling with her fingers.

“Sure. It was nice talking to you. Maybe we can all have lunch together? I know Murphy and Bellamy have their own group of friends, so maybe we could, like, hang out? I could introduce you to my boyfriend.” Clarke said excited about the idea of making new friends. It wasn’t as hard as she thought it would be, maybe she could manage it.

“Yeah, sounds nice, I can’t wait.” Lexa said and held out her hand for Clarke. _God why do I have to be such an idiot._

“Okay. Bye. See ya.”

* * *

 

Murphy were being currently interrogated by his best friend right now. All because Lexa decided to be talkative in the middle of his hangover.

“Did you kissed him?”

“No!”

“Why?”

“Because”

Lexa puffed and stayed quiet for a moment. It didn’t made sense. Bellamy and Murphy had left the living room for an hour, according to the boy, and yet nothing happened.

“You really won’t tell me?”

Murphy shook his head no. That was his signal that things were not ok, so Lexa decided to leave the inquisition for later.

“Alright! I’m going to the library and then I’ll go get my schedule. Do you need anything?” She asked but the boy just threw a pillow at her direction.

“Rude.”

* * *

 Raven, Clarke and Octavia were walking around the campus, to get familiar with the place, but the truth was that Clarke was walking as Octavia and Raven were just trying to keep up. They had come to the dorms by 3 am, and Clarke had to take care of the two girls because they were way too drunk. So as a thank you, they decided to make acompany Clarke in her morning walk.

“I’ll never drink this much again.” Octavia groaned and Raven made some agreement sound. Clarke only chuckled, because there was really nothing else for her to do.

“This is the hangover talking, not you.” Clarke said while looking down at her map. The place was absolutely huge. She wanted to call her father and tell him everything about it, but they were far from that. Her thougths were interrupted by a text from her boyfriend.

_Finn 08:43am: Where are you?_

Clarke tried to ignore because she wasn’t really in the mood for the fight that they were about to have. But of course, Finn had other plans.

_Finn 08:45am: Answer me!_

_Finn 08:45am: I know you’re reading, Clarke!_

_Finn 08:46am: We need to talk, where are you??_

Sighing, Clarke gave up and told him she was near the library with Octavia, but as soon as Clarke said she was with Raven, Finn asked to meet her somewhere else.

“Hey, I gotta go, the two of you can go be miserable in your dorms.” She said to the girls and Raven almost cried from happiness. Clarke smiled at that. It was a strange feeling, she thought that college would be the final piece of all the shit that life was throwing at herfor the past years, but she was making friends, and she didn’t felt as lonely as she used to. “Okay, talk to y’all latter, don’t sleep the day away. Love you, O!” She said and pressed a kiss to Octavias forehead who grunted a response.

She met Finn by his dorm room. He was alone and it was the perfect atmosphere for the inevitable fight that was coming, but neither knew how to start.

“You’ve been distant.” Finn decided to break the tension.

“It’s been a week. How can you tell me that I’m distant if it’s been a week. I’ve been busy, trying to settle in. You said the same happened to you when you came here, what’s up with you?” Clarke asked as Finn came closer and kissed her cheek _. That is odd._ She thought. Clarke was certain that they were about to fight, and suddenly...

“I miss you. We haven’t... you know,” Finn smirked and made his way to Clarke’s neck “It’s been a while. I think this is the reason we’re fighting this much”

“I’m not in the mood, Finn.” She tried to shove him away but the boy’s mind was set. Next thing she knew, Finn was shirtless and looking at her with those puppy eyes, that always got him away from trouble.

“Please, baby” He kissed her, softly at first, but grew impacient and moved to her neck, kissing there agressively.

Clarke groaned and gave in “Fine.”

* * *

 

Lexa was walking out of the library without looking up, she was trapped in a book and just couldn’t stop reading, not even to do basic activities, like walk. She was in a trance and bumped against a small figure, her book falling on the floor. “Shit, sorry!”

“No, it’s fine.” She got on her knees to get the book back and lookep up to see Octavia smiling down at her. “You should pay more attention, don’t you think?”

Lexa smiled at the other girl and was at loss of words for a moment “As a matter of fact I do know it. How are you Octavia?”

“I’m fine, still trying to make this hangover go away.” She grunted and Lexa laughed. “I’m going to the yard, lunch with the guys, wanna come?” Octavia offered and Lexa hesitated, “C’mon, we’re fun, you’ll get to know us a little bit more.”

“Okay, Can I invite Murphy as well?” She asked and Octavia linked their arms, Lexa wasn’t used to that kind of contact from someone she barely knew, but it felt rude to say that to the giddy girl besides her.

“Murphy is already by the table, don’t worry.”

* * *

 

Lunch was confortable enough but Lexa stayed quiet and listened to the things around her. Murphy and Bellamy were avoiding each other, something she needed to get out of her friend, Octavia was talking to Raven about some other party and Raven was just nodding along, not reall paying attention.

She saw that Clarke was missing but before she could voice her thoughts, she saw the blonde girl walking towards them with a shaggy haired boy besides her, who Lexa assumed was the boyfriend. He had his hands all over Clarke, who was cleary unconfortable.

“Look who decided to wake up from the sex induced coma.” Bellamy said and Clarke blushed while Finn just looked smug.

“Lexa, hi. Nice to see you again.” Clarke said smiling at the brunette.

“Hey.” Lexa said shyly and wavered her hand at Clarke. 

“This is my boyfriend, Finn.” Clarke said, tugging the boy’s shirt, “Finn, this is Lexa.” Both Lexa and Finn only nodded their head at each other, but it was Raven who caught everyone’s attention.

“I’m sorry, did you just said ‘boyfriend’?” She asked looking between Clarke and Finn.

“What do you mean, Raven?” Clarke asked clearly confused and Finn looked pale, like he saw a ghost.

“I mean, that your _boyfriend,_ was hitting on me since he came here.” Raven said looking pointedly at Finn.

The whole table went silent. Bellamy looked pissed, Murphy was just existing watching everything happen, Octavia had a _‘I knew it’_ look in her eyes, and Lexa was as confused as Clarke.

“Finn, what is she talking about?” Clarke asked her boyfriend who was probably wanting to ran away from there.

”Tell her Finn” Raven shouted, “Man the fuck up, and tell your girlfriend that you’ve been sleeping with every girl that looked at your way in this campus.” Raven felt the need to let Clarke know about this, of course she had been played as well, but according to Clarke, she’d been with Finn since they were 15, so she thought the girl deserved to know.

“Clarke, I am so sorry. I love you baby. I didn’t meant to. I’m sorry.” Finn said with panic taking Clarke’s hands between his own but Clarke shoved him away.

“I-I need to” Clarke was trying her hardest to keep the tears at bay, she wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. “I gotta go.”

“Clarke, wait!” Octavia got up and went after Clarke, only to be stopped by Bellamy.

“Maybe you should give her some time alone, O.” Bellamy said, still trying to hold his sister back.

“I can’t, Bell. I can’t leave her alone and you _know_ it. Let me go Bellamy. I can’t leave her alone.” Octavia yelled at her brother, at this point, there were some people already looking at their table, “You’re a fucking asshole, Finn! She was doing so fucking good. For the first time in years she was fine, she was _happy._ But you never liked that, isn’t it?Her happiness isn’t a priority to you.”

Finn kept his mouth shut, not knowing how to react to everything that just happened.

Lexa leaned over Murphy and whispered, “I gotta go, see you later, okay?” and the boy nodded his head.

* * *

 

Clarke was sitting by the bleachers, sketchpad and pencil on her hands, but nothing came out. He was cheatting on her this whole time.  It wasn’t like she had a dying love for Finn, but she cared for him, and it hurt knowing he wasn’t being faithful.

 _Add this to the list of things you’ve lost._ She chuckled and rubbed her eyes. Maybe he was right after all this time, maybe he was the only one who could put up with her. She should just forget about it and forgive him. It was the right thing to do. She didn’t loved Finn, but it still felt nice having someone like that. It was confortable.

Clarke wondered why the universe kept throwing so much shit at her, was it something her past life self had done? Her mother, her brother, now her boyfriend. She was losing a her ground slowly. 

Her throat was suddenly dry, she was having trouble in breathing. How did her week started amazingly and ended up like this? It was a mistery, everytime something was working out for her, something had to happen and take all the sense of happiness she was feeling at the moment. She didn't knew when she started crying, but it was getting hard to breathe. She tried to think about the tricks Octavia had taught her, but nothing was working. She was trying to count to ten, but her mind was dizzy, and her eyes were blurry.

She felt someone beside her, taking her hands and rubbing circles around her knuckles.

"You'll be fine, just try to breathe with me, Clarke." The person said but it wasn't working, Clarke then looked up and saw Lexa next to her, concern written all over her face, "Breathe with me, Clarke."She took Clarke's hand and put it right above her heart, "Are you feeling that, Clarke? You're here, you're alive, you just need to breathe. Breathe for me. Come on." 

After a good five minutes of breathing and counting to ten, Clarke managed to calm down and when she did, embarassement took over her. Lexa noticed and broke the silence

“I’ve heard there’s a coffee shop near here, do you wanna go there?” Lexa asked quietly, expecting that Clarke would turn her down, they weren’t even friends, after all.

“Yeah, I’d like that.” Clarke said with a weak smile and a rusky voice. She was glad that Lexa didn’t pushed her to talk, it was better this way, she wasn’t ready.  

Maybe all that she needed right now, was a new friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if there's any grammar errors please let me know.  
> hmu at saturnalycia.tumblr.com


	3. Chapter 3

Lexa and Clarke were currently sitting by the coffee shop in silence. Clarke was thougthful and Lexa didn’t want to disturb the girl, so she decided to take a look at the place. The lights were low, there were some tables by the end of the hall, which Lexa thought would be good for studying, she was already planning on coming to the place only for study purposes. It wasn’t crowded, maybe because it was still a new place in town. After a few minutes taking the place in, she looked at Clarke, the girl seemed lost, her eyes were unfocused, and Lexa couldn’t help but being angry at the jackass of Clarke’s boyfriend. She was hoping that Clarke would add an ‘ex’ to the title. Lexa didn’t knew much about Clarke’s relationship or about Clarke as a person, but if the few hours they talked were anything to go by, Clarke was probably an amazing human being.

 

“Your coffee will get cold.” Clarke said taking Lexa out of her reverie. Her voice was cracking but her face still had a smile. A weak one, but a smile nonetheless.

 

“I don’t mind. I’m not much of a coffee person.” Lexa said nonchalantly. Clarke only hummed and got back to her bubble. Lexa never considered herself as a talkative person, she was always guardaded, only talking when necessary, as her parents had taught her, but right now, seeing Clarke with a deep frown on her face, eyes still red, _maybe it was time to start praticing the art of talking to other besides Murphy_ she thought. “Hum...  So, what is your last name? Murphy was smart enough not to tell me. My father always said that it was polite to know someone’s full name, don’t ask me why, I don’t know. But if you don’t feel like saying it, that’s okay as well. Oh and how old are you? We talked about a lot of things the other night but I guess we just skipped the basic...” Lexa stopped and took a breath, that’s what usually happened when she talked, she didn’t had a filter so she just rambled. But in that moment it was worth it because Clarke was giving her a real, wide smile.

 

“I didn’t knew you were much of a talker.” Clarke smirked at Lexa and for a minute they forgot about cheating exes and cold coffees, “My last name is Griffin, I’m 18, and this theory of your father makes no sense at all. Unless you want to stalk me on my social medias.”

 

“Oh! No, please! I didn’t meant that I’m sorry.” Lexa blushed and Clarke was laughing hard at her, “Great, now you must think I’m some kind of creep.”

 

Clarke stopped laughing but still had a smile on her face, “I know you’re not a creep, relax. I was just messing with you.” Lexa smiled at her and they both went quiet for a minute. Clarke was the one who broke the silence this time, “Thank you.”

 

For a minute Lexa was confused, but she remembered why they were here. It would be great, perfect even, the atmosphere, Clarke’s company, she was making a fool of herself everytime she opened her mouth, yes, but Clarke was smilling and apparently forgetting about the world outside as well, “You don’t have to thank me, Clarke.”

 

“I do.” Clarke let out a breath and continued, “Thank you for not pushing me to talk, I’m really grateful you’re the one who went after me. Bellamy and Octavia are great, but they’re a lot sometimes, and I don’t know if I’m ready to talk. Not yet.”

 

“You have to take your time.”

 

“Yeah, I know. It’s just... It always happens you know? I should be used to it by now, but it never gets easier.” Clarke explained but Lexa was even more confuse, she wanted to ask so many things, but it wasn’t her place. They were acquaintances, and Clarke would feel pressured to tell details of her life to a complete stranger, and by the things Clarke had said, she hated the pressure. So Lexa just nodded at her.

 

They left the coffee shop and were now walking towards the campus. It was past 5pm and the air was chilly, “Is it always this cold in this town?” Clarke asked Lexa while squeezing her arms around herself.

 

“I wouldn’t know the answer to your question because I’m not from this city.” Lexa said and shrugged off her jacket to put it around Clarke’s shoulder, “But you can ask Murphy or Bellamy about this, because you clearly will need to go shopping and buy some coats.” She teased Clarke and bumped their shoulders.

 

“Asshole.” She smiled at the brunette and sighed, “thank you, though. And for your information, I do, in fact, have coats. It may be surprising I know, but I have lots of them.”

 

“That’s really surprising if we consider that this is the second time my jacket is on your body.” Lexa said and winked at Clarke. She enjoyed the moment to take a look at the smaller girl. Clarke had the most beautiful blue eyes she had ever saw, but that was obvious. There were some pink at the ends of her hair, maybe the result of a rebel phase. Lexa couldn’t help but notice the habits the other girl had showed in their evening together. Clarke would causally chew on her nails, or rub her hands over her face, when she talked about things that were an sensitive topic. Lexa always had this habit of analyzing the other, it was one of her many flaws.

 

“I’m really rethinking being friends with you. You’re _way_ too witty”

 

“I hate to break it to you, Griffin, but I am awesome and really seletive of my friends. The proof of that is Murphy, he’s the only friend I have and this come with perks. So I would be honoured if I were you, because I’m a pretty great friend” Lexa said with a intensely sigh and Clarke just laughed at her (another thing that Lexa notice on her new found acquaintance, was her laugh, but she was trying to drown her gay self, because the thought of having another friend besides Murphy was quiet exciting).

 

“Why is it a perk? And why do you only have Murphy as a friend, you look like those popular girls from high school.”

 

At that Lexa laughed, little Clarke knew that she was named the most awkward creature, yes creature, from her school, “Let’s just say that Murphy is the only one who gets me, and I’m not much of a people’s person, he just stuck around because we were friends for too long.” Lexa smiled at the mention of her best friend, yes they had arguments all the time, but he still was the only sense of family she’s ever had, “So, if you’d be my friend, you wouldn’t have to worry about other friends, because I only have Murphy, and Murphy has everyone.”

 

“Awww, are you jealous?” Clarke teased and grinned at Lexa. “If you insist so much, I’ll be your other only friend, I’m honoured.”

 

“First of all, I don’t get jealous, and second, you’re on trial, I’m very sensitive and anyone can hurt my feelings, but you seem nice enough.”

 

“You’re an ass, I don’t want to be your friend anymore.” Clarke scoffed but laughed.

 

Lexa insisted on walking Clarke to her dorm, and when they got there, reality came crashing on Clarke and Lexa noticed by the look on those blue eyes.

 

“Hey, I’ll give you my number, if you need anything, just call me, okay? Lexa said softly as she wrapped her hands around Clarke’s wrists. She took Clarke’s phone and typed her number on the contact list already sending a message to herself to save Clarke’s number later.

 

“Okay. I’ll see you... tomorrow?” Clarke said with a sad smile on her face.

 

“Yeah, sure. Have a good night, Clarke.” Clarke smiled at her, took a deep breath, and entered her room.

 

Of all the scenerios Lexa had for this day to end, this wasn’t one of them. She was glad to be able to make Clarke laugh and forget about Finn and she was happy about having a possible new friend. _Murphy will be so proud of me._

* * *

 

 

“Hi, Clarke” Raven said awkwardly while bitting her lips. The girl had no idea that Finn Collins was her new roommate’s boyfriend. She wasn’t that kind of person, but she also knew that she wasn’t at fault here. It was Finn who came onto her, it was him who made a move, and even though Raven had said no, she still felt a little bad because of Clarke. “Listen , I’m so sorry, I had no idea. I swear on my nipple's rings.”

 

At that Clarke chuckled, “Raven, you have nothing to be sorry for. The cheathing asshole does.” She meant every single word. She wouldn’t be one of those girls who thought the _other_ girl was guilty.

 

“He really is an asshole.” Raven sighed and tried to shake the tension off,but curiosity got the best of her, “How long have you two been together?”

 

“Since we were 14. High school sweethearts and whatnot. I really thought we would go somewhere you know?” Clarke closed her eyes and the anger came back. They’ve been together for four years, it was unbeliavable. He wasn’t the perfect boyfriend, but everyone in her family seemed to like him. _Everyone except Luke._ Clarke opened her eyes and tried to stop her wandering mind.  “Rae, I think I’m going to bed. I’ll probably deal with Finn tomorrow but I just need some rest. Is that okay?”

 

“Yeah, sure. Goodnight, Clarke.”

 

“Goodnight.”

* * *

 

 

“Okay, where have you been the whole evening?” Murphy was trying to get some info out of Lexa but he wasn’t succeding in that field. “Or better yet, with _who_ you spent the whole evening?”

 

“None of your bussiness.” Lexa scoffed at him while looking down at her phone. Clarke hadn’t texted her and she was kind of worried about the girl. _She probably doesn’t care enough to give me some feedback._ She thought to herself. Making new friends was already a tiring task, she couldn’t deal with this, she didn’t knew how to deal with this. Clarke hadn’t texted her and she was already freaking out. Lexa shook her head and turned her attention to Murphy. “So, are you gonna tell me what happened with Bellamy?”

 

“If I tell you what happened, will you tell me how was your evening with Clarke?”

 

“Why are you assuming I was with her?” Lexa raised her eyebrows at Murphy trying to act not surprised. _Gay people and their intuitions._

 

“You see, my darling, I can read you like a book. And I saw you checking her out at the party.”

 

“Don’t. Don’t go there. I’ll stop you right here, right now.” Lexa stood up and pointed her finger to Murphy, “I’m trying really hard to make new friends, so don’t put things in my head. Stop.”

 

Murphy was trying to contain his laugther but failed miserably, “Alright dear. But why are you trying to make new friends? What’s wrong with me?” He sighed dramatically and feigned hurt.

 

“Nothing’s wrong with you. I’m just trying to expand my network. I can’t have only one friend for the rest of my life, you know?” Lexa said with a sad voice, it was a sore spot. She was not kidding when she said she was terrible at making friends. “Anyway. Yes I was with Clarke, but we only had coffee and that was it. No gossip for you, sorry.”

 

“Eh! I guess I’ll have to ask Octavia or Raven about it later.” He said and stood up yawning. “So, I’m gonna go to bed, I’m tired.” Murphy laughed desconfortably and leaned down to kiss Lexa’s head.

 

“And where do you think you’re going? We had a deal!”

 

“I’ll have to break that deal, darling. See you tomorrow.” With that he locked his door and left a dumfounded Lexa in the couch. 

 

“I can’t believe this asshole.”

* * *

 

 

The next morning Clarke woke up with a dull ache in her chest. She knew she would have to talk to Finn. It was better to do it sooner, so she could move on. And with that on her mind she left her dorm room and went to find Finn.

 

She found him by the campus’ pool and as soon as their eyes met, the boy gave her his best puppy look. _Here we go._

 

“Honey, hi! How are you? I’ve been trying to talk to you since yesterday.”

 

“Are you seriously acting like nothing happened?” Clarke asked and she was impressed by the boy’s stupidity. “Or do you just think I’m dumb enough to forget what you’ve done?” She was already getting worked up. She could feel her breathing quickening and her eyes were betraying her.

 

“Clarke, will you really believe that girl? You’ll really listen to her? C’mon, we’ve been together for 4 years.” Finn said in that tone that always got him away with everything. The same tone he used to ask for Clarke’s forgiviness when he would mess up during the worse years of her life.

 

“I want to ask you something, and if you’re honest with me, then I won’t listen to Raven.”

 

“Okay. Shoot.” Finn smiled and thought he got Clarke right where he wanted.

 

“How many others, Finn?” Clarke’s voice cracked because by the look on Finn’s eyes, she had her answer.

 

“I- Clarke. I- I-, um,” He couldn’t look at Clarke’s face. Embarassement eating him alive. They had a long relationship, he loved her, this couldn’t be the end, “Look, Clarke, they didn’t meant anything! It’s just since what happened with your brother, and all that time you were in your own little bubble,” Clarke flinched at his words. She knew he never understood what she was going through, but hearing him say it like this, it hurt. “I’m a man, Clarke. I have needs! And you were the one who couldn’t satisfy my needs It’s your fault! You can’t dump me.”

 

Clarke tried to remember the breathing exercices her terapist had taught her. _One two three, in , four five six, out._ Her mind was spinning right now. He was really blaming her for everything. _How the fuck can he do this?_ “I can’t listen to your voice anymore, Finn. Fuck, I can’t even look at you. You’re really blaming me for being an uncaring, selfish, out of control, asshole?” Tears were streaming down her face at this point. He was just another person who would always blame her for things. She couldn’t do this anymore, “Fuck you, Finn. Go to hell. I don’t wanna see your face ever again.”

 

“Clarke, c’mon. Let’s talk about it.”

 

“FUCK YOU!” She yelled, and at this point the whole university knew about their fight. “Don’t you ever talk to me again.” At that, she turned around and left him standing there, with fake tears rolling down his face.

* * *

 

 

Octavia spotted Clarke across the campus with a unfocused look on her face. She was worried sick about her best friend since her fight with Finn, and on top of that she had spent her whole evening with someone else. She felt betrayed. But right now she was jogging towards Clarke to try and get some information out of her.

 

“Hey, Clarke! Wait” She reached her and the blonde turned around. Clarke had the saddest look on her face. It has been a while since Octavia saw the other girl like this. It has been exactly one year. One year ago Clarke had decided to stay off her medication, and she proved to everyone she was doing better. But this Clarke that Octavia was seeing, was the one who carried the weight of the world on her shoulders.  “Honey, talk to me.” Octavia held Clarke’s hand and took her to a corner, where no one could see or heard them.

 

“Why does this keeps happening, O? Why is everything my fault?” Clarke couldn’t hold it together anymore, she cried on her best friend’s arms, nont even caring if someone could see her. “He said it was my fault. He said all the girls he slept with was my fault. How is that true?” Clarke’s whispered and Octavia tried really hard to not let go of her and go find Finn just to punch the hell out of him.

 

“He’s an idiot. It’s not your fault. Let’s go to my room, we can talk better in there.”

 

“I don’t wanna talk. I wanna sleep. I’m so tired, O.” Octavia’s heart broke at the sight of her friend. _This girl is the most smart, humble, caring, loving, supportive, and all of the good things in the world, but how can the universe give so much shit to her_? Octavia wondered. The girl really needed some break. Her goal right now, was to make the blonde forget about the scumbag, but later, she would kill said scumbag.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmu @ http://saturnalycia.tumblr.com/


	4. Chapter 4

Lexa spent the next day worrying about Clarke. The girl looked so sad when they were at the coffee shop, she couldn’t help but being worried. Contrary to popular belief (meaning Murphy), Lexa was what people would call a ‘softie’ but she just didn’t liked to show it. So when a girl she barely met was having some trouble and didn’t texted her to let her know if everything was okay, she was likely to freak out.

 

Lexa was fidgety all morning during her classes, she haven’t saw Clarke since last night and Murphy was withholding the  information. And that is why she found herself in front of Clarke’s door, hoping to end her misery. Lexa knocked on the door twice and heard some shuffle and then the door was opened revealing Raven, who wasn’t the person she was looking for.

 

“Hi, Raven!” Raven looked like she wanted to skin Lexa alive and the sight was a little bit scary but she had to know about Clarke, “Is Clarke around? I haven’t heard from her since yesterday and I- um, I just wanted to know if she’s ok.”

 

Raven sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, “I should kill you for waking me up at this hour, you know that, right?”.

 

“Sorry. I just- she was looking sad last night and I-I just,”

 

“Wanted to know if she’s ok, yeah I got that. She left earlier today to meet the scumbag by the pool, hopefully to dump his ass. Is that information enough for you?”

 

“Yes, it is. Thank you…” Lexa wanted to ask just one more thing but the girl was looking really pissed and she didn’t knew what an angry Raven was like but she sure was hell didn’t want to find out, “Can you just tell her I stopped by?".

 

“Yeah, Lexa, I can. Now get the fuck out of here you just made me miss 5 minutes of sleep. Get lost, see you around.” And then Raven slammed the door on Lexa’s face,  _well that wasn’t horrible._

* * *

 

Clarke woke up with a pounding headache, she remembered fighting with Finn, breaking up with him and then everything was a blur. She was in Octavia’s bed, her back was being curled up by her best friend. It almost felt like their childhood again, where everything was so pristine and happy.

 

“You’re thinking incredibly loud for someone who just slept two hours straight.” Octavia said while stretching her arms above her head, “Feeling better?”.

 

“Yeah, much better. Thanks.” Clarke said sitting on the bed next to Octavia.

 

“You don’t have to thank me, it’s part of my best friend duty.” Octavia nudged her should against Clarke’s, trying to light up the mood but by the look on the blonde girl’s face, it didn’t have the desired effect.

 

“I’m not your responsibility, O. I don’t need you or Bellamy doing things for me thinking it’s your  _duty._ I can take care of myself.” This was a soft spot for Clarke, she loved her friends, but sometimes they were a lot overbearing, they thought she was made of paper, that all it would take was one wrong move for her to crumble again. It was hard for them to understand that she was better, she was healed, it didn’t hurt anymore (She also wasn’t sure if she said these things to convince her friends or herself).

 

“I know that, I didn’t said that you can’t take care of yourself. You’ve been doing that for years now. I’m just saying that I’m your friend and whether you like it or not, I have to look out for you, the same way you do for me.” Octavia said with a soft voice, hoping that Clarke would see that she was being honest.

 

Clarke sighed and tried to controle herself. She hated when she lashed out on people because of her problems, “Sorry. I’m sorry, I didn’t meant to- I know that you’re only looking out for me. Sorry.”

 

“Don’t worry. So, you wanna go have some lunch?”

 

“I actually have a class right now, but let’s raincheck?”

 

“Yeah, sure.”

 

Clarke left the room and headed to her next class.  _10:45. fifteen minutes early, that’s a first._ She saw some girls looking at her way when she crossed the campus but didn’t thought much of it. College girls could be weird. She arrived at the classroom with 10 minutes to spare and checked her phone. There were some texts and calls from Finn, which she choose to ignore, some texts from Bellamy, one text from her father and that was it.

 

She looked at Lexa’s name on the contact list and remembered the girl offering help but she was probably trying to be nice, she didn’t needed another person pitting her, so she just turned her phone off and waited for class to start.

 

* * *

 

“Another party?

 

“Yes. But this will be a real one, with lots of alcohol and more people and you will get drunk  _and_  laid. Honestly you’re the only one who will get the benefits of this.”

 

“Murphy, no!” This was their most constant argument lately. Lexa wanted the peace of the apartment for study purposes and Murphy wanted to party. She agreed to share a place with him to precisely get away from the mess that is sharing a room with someone she didn’t knew, or the frat parties. But Murphy had other plans.

 

“Come on, Lexa! Live a little for fuck’s sake. Your father is not here to give you orders, you’re 18! You don’t have to act like a boring child anymore. This is really tiring. It’s my apartment. I moved in first, so if you don’t want the party, then I suggest that you lock yourself up in your room or leave for the night.” Murphy said everything in one single breath, they were different people, their personalities were not alike, hence sometimes they had fights like this. And this was the kind of fight that lasted weeks of not talking to each other to avoid another fight.

 

“Fine.” Was all Lexa said and Murphy knew in that moment he had fucked up.

 

“Sorry, I didn’t meant that.”

 

“Yes, you did. I really thought you were the only person who understood me. Guess I was wrong.” Murphy knew how much Lexa hated being controlled by her parents but he also knew that she felt helpless. Lexa was already like this since they first met, she was completely closed off at first, he learned later that her father believed that friendships and relationships were a waste of time so the girl grew up with that in mind, even though she knew how good it was to have someone to lean on when things got rough. When they finally established a formal friendship, Murphy took Lexa to meet his parents, they were warm people and she felt out of place for a while, but time passed and Lexa was like part of their family, she stayed for holydays, and some of her birthdays were spent with Murphy’s family as well. So that is why he knew how bad this fight would be and how upset Lexa would be the next days.

 

“I’ll leave for the weekend, if that’s better for you.” Her voice was small and it broke Murphy’s heart, he did the one thing that Lexa always got picked for during school.

“Look you don’t have to leave, I’m sorry.”

 

“No, it’s fine. Have your party. I’ll see you around.” Lexa grabbed her bag and left the apartment, her vision was getting blurry with the tears threatening to fall, but she couldn’t give Murphy that satisfaction.

 

After leaving the apartment building Lexa was back in the university campus, her plans for the weekend consisted on reading as many book as possible in the library and hoping no one would kick her out of there. She bumped into someone and mumbled a quiet ‘sorry’ hoping whoever it was wouldn’t make a big deal out of it.

 

“Lexa?” She raised her head and was met with blue eyes and golden hair, _I could mistake her for an angel_. “Clarke, hi.” Lexa gave the other girl a weak smile and tried not to look as someone who just had been dragged by her best friend.

 

“Hi, you okay? I saw you walking over here and thought I could keep you company?” Clarke gave her a bright smile but Lexa wasn’t in the best of her days and the odds were that she would pass that bad vibe to others, the best thing she could do was turn the blonde girl down.

 

“Um, I’d love that, but... um... I- I”

 

“You’re feeling okay?” Clarke furrowed her brows and had a worried expression on her face.

 

“I’m fine.” _Why the hell am I nervous? It’s just a girl, chill._ “I have to go now, I need to get to the library.”

 

Clarke had a disappointed look on her face and Lexa couldn’t find it in herself to care because everyone was always disappointed in her. “Yeah, sure.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“Bye. See you around?”

 

“Yeah, sure.”

* * *

 

Clarke couldn’t understand what had happened to Lexa or why she was acting so off earlier, she didn’t knew the girl much but by the short time they talked she seemed… different. And now she was closed off, her voice was cold and something just felt off. _Maybe she was just having a bad day, or maybe someone had told her something about…_

“Yo, griffin, party at Murphy’s today? You coming?” Bellamy asked and shook her off of her thoughts.

 

“Did you told Lexa anything about me? Or Murphy? Did you told Murphy anything about me that he could possibly have told Lexa?” She was getting angry by the thought that her friends would do something like this to her. They tended to go on a rant sometimes when she was having a bad time, but never to strangers.

 

“Why would I do this?” Bellamy asked clearly confused as to why Clarke would think he or Octavia would do this.

 

“I don’t know. Sorry. Lexa was just weird when we ran into each other, and I thought that maybe-”

 

“Maybe we would give her informations about your life? Why would we do that?”

 

“Sorry.”

 

Bellamy sighed, he knew this was bound to happen every time Clarke tried to befriend someone new. “Look, I shouldn’t be telling you this because you think I go telling people about your life. But Lexa had a fight with Murphy because she didn’t want him to throw another party, and for the looks of it, the fight was pretty bad and he said some hurtful things to her. So there you go. You did absolutely nothing. Stop freaking out.”

 

“Oh!”

 

“Yeah. So, about that party?” Bellamy shot her a grin and wiggled his eyebrows, “Are you coming? I can introduce you to some cute not cheating assholes that I know.”

 

“I got out of a four years relationship yesterday, I don’t want to date anyone else anytime soon.” Bellamy just hummed and got quiet for a while. That was never good, “But did I said anything about dating? I just meant sex, some good, raw sex. That’s what you need.”

 

“Oh my god, Bellamy. Just the fuck up.” Clarke laughed and pushed his shoulders but that wasn’t enough to stop him, “Oh come on! You know you need it. You’ve told me many times how much of a disaster your sex life was.”

 

“You’re talking so much about my sex life. How is sex with Murphy? Any good?” Clarke grinned at him and saw the boy’s cheeks getting red, “That good, huh?”

 

“Leave me alone.”

 

Clarke went to the library after her conversation with Bellamy. She said to herself that the reason she was there was to grab one of her art history books and not because she wanted to check in some green eyed brunette. She spotted Lexa sitting between the stall with several books around her. Lexa looked beautiful. Her hair was a mess and she had these huge glasses on. _cutest thing to ever exist_. Clarke wasn’t blind, she saw how much attractive Lexa was since they met, but she was a faithful girlfriend.

 

Clarke and Finn had started dating when she was about to turn 15. They were together for 3 years and a half, but that didn’t stopped her from looking at pretty girls and finding them attractive. She was a bisexual, the only detail was: she had never been with any women.

 

So she kept this a secret from her boyfriend, because he was an homophobe and two womens together in his opinion only served for kinky matters, her friends also didn’t knew about this. Even though Bellamy came out as bisexual and Octavia was always supporting her big brother.

 

Clarke sat next to Lexa and remained there, quiet and unmoving. The other girl was so concentrated in her books she hadn’t even noticed. So Clarke cleared her throat causing Lexa to look at her.

 

“Clarke, hi.” She looked surprised and a little bit startled, and the sight was endearing, “What are you doing here?”

 

“What usually everyone does at the library.” It was meant to tease Lexa but apparently the girl didn’t understood, “I’m just messing with you.” She smiled to break the tension off.

 

“Right. The sarcastic and witty thing, I had forgotten that.”

 

“You forgot about me incredible easily then.” Clarke tried again and this time succeeded because Lexa was giving her a huge smile, “So, Bellamy told me about Murphy’s party tonight. Will I see you there?”

 

“Probably not. We had a fight so I decided to leave for the weekend.” Lexa’s voice was quiet and she figured it must’ve had hurt her, if she was being real about Murphy being her only friend. But she was willing to change that.

 

“Why don’t we go together? You don’t even have to acknowledge Murphy, you’ll just be there, with me, your new pretty friend.”

 

“You sure does think a lot of yourself.” Lexa laughed and nudged Clarke’s shoulder but the smile was soon gone and she was serious again, “If I do go to this party, Clarke, it’ll defeat the whole reason of this fight.”

 

“Okay, first, don’t you think I’m pretty? And second, you’ll just show him you’re better at being the bigger person. Fighting won’t get you guys anywhere.”

 

“I do.”

 

“You do what?”

 

“I do think you’re pretty.” Lexa said looking at Clarke’s eyes but they dropped briefly to her mouth causing Clarke to lick her lips involuntarily.

 

“Is that a yes to the party then?” She rusked at Lexa who kept looking at her eyes and her lips. Clarke thought about her conversation with Bellamy, about not being ready, and if really felt like the right thing to do, but when she said that she didn’t had a pretty girl looking at her lips like they were the last fountain of water in the world.

 

“It’s a yes to anything.” Lexa said and leaned in, Clarke already had her eyes closed, "Tell me to stop, Lexa." She could feel Lexa's breath in her mouth and it was fucking intoxicating.

"I can't do that." Lexa said and finally went to close the small distance between them...

 

“What the fuck is going on in here?” _Fucking Finn._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not exactly a slow burn.


End file.
